i had been finding it hard to let myself sleep.
my body has asked for it, eyelids turning heavy and letters becoming blurry, a mind slowly melting into a liquefied puddle of what i was feeling, trying to describe what i was experiencing inside constantly.

i remember when we did not sleep all night, we stared at each other and only blinked to shut our eyes to listen to a song better. you spilled words of admiration, knew how to unravel my strings and convinced me that i was beautiful. you told me you could've treated me better than exhibit a and b. our voices continued until sun mingled between the blinds, but for me that was the least of my worries, because that was a conversation worth sleep deprivation. you pleaded for me to leave the person who was not treating me right, and a couple weeks later you turned out the same.

i remember exhibit a. he also kept me awake, we stayed on the phone every night until the patterns of our breaths were peacefully asleep, and i heard him rustling around in sheets, our dreams intertwining into a life he chased with me. he tried to wrap me around his finger, and had a ring to prove it, and i guess mom was right when she said "everything happens for a reason" because it was lost one morning in new york. many hours of delayed sleep developed into the "love is blind" syndrome, and i lost myself in a cloud of fog which was your grasp. at one point you returned the ring and i keep it, dreaming of a coming of age moment where i throw into the ocean, to be calcified with meaningless treasure.

i sleep with half shut eyes, wanting to expel the memories, rewind a tape and push everyone away, grab sheets and bury my head inside, hoping these clicks on keys can sing me to sleep.