May 2017
"You've come again." I said, indifferent, unbothered, unwavering.
"Yes." his voice cold, merciless, blunt, unforgiving.
"Are you here to finally accept me?" I asked him, a hint of hopefulness in my voice betrayed me.
"No, I just wanna see you." he answered coldly still.
"Isn't that a bit cruel?" I kept my response as calm as I could.

He'd do that all the time. He would mock me by coming to see me, by keeping his distance, by making sure he's just barely in my sight, by making sure I can feel his presence, by making sure that I know he won't approach me, by teasing me to come to him first.

We stayed like that for quite a moment, keeping our thoughts to ourselves, not looking at each other, keeping the suspense hanging in the air.

"I can't always hold back, you know?" I finally spoke, breaking the silence
"Then don't," his voice was even colder than before, "embrace me."
"You really are cruel." I hesitated.

I wanted to tell him, I wanted to feel him, I wanted to be with him, but I didn't want to admit it.

There's another long stretch of painful silence. He was calm though I could feel his air of anticipation. I could feel his slight impatience. I could see through the uncaring front he was putting on. He wanted the same thing as I did, yet the two of us were stubborn to let on.

I thought about how foolish this is. We both wanted to feel the touch of the other. We knew that this wouldn't happen all the time, and we knew that the next time I see him could probably be the best time to see each other or it could be too late. I knew I had to make up my mind.

After a while I could hear the sound of his cloak slowly dragging on the floor. This was it. It was then or never and so I found the courage to speak.

"Stop," I said, sounding weaker and more vulnerable than I intended, "please, stop."

He said nothing, instead he waited for me to continue. Even so, I knew his heart was racing as hard as mine.

I turned around to face the back of his head. The light from outside the door illuminated him ever so beautifully, yet the shadow it casted was eerie, unsettling even, but I braced myself.

"Take me with you," this time I sounded certain, and I was glad of it, "I don't want to do this anymore. Please, take me with you."

He turned around and looked at me straight in the eyes. It was an intense, piercing look going through my soul and for the first time since ever, he smiled. He reached out his hands and immediately I took them. They were cold, yet comforting. He pulled me closer and held me in his arms.

"Let's go." he said softly to my ears.

And so, I went with death to the other side, and it was the relief that I've always been looking for.
- Alf / 17.5.17
Detha Prastyphylia
Written by
Detha Prastyphylia  20/F/Surabaya, Indonesia
(20/F/Surabaya, Indonesia)   
     Dami and Keith Wilson
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