MY OWN MISERY

Oh, how you love to see me weep
in so much pain;
you tell me you love the rain
it gives you so much strength
by living off my misery.
when my life is going right
you would do whatever it takes
to see my heart break,
you said the day will come
when someone will put my heart on the run
you call that fun;
I never thought it would be
my own child that would cut me deep,
now look at me I can no longer sleep
or eat because all I do is weep,
soon comes the fear
that hangs near;
Oh, how I truly feel the emptiness
of all those years, I gave my whole life
to the child, I hold dear;
left me in tears,
forgiveness will always be in my heart
even while I’m bleed out like ink
for the whole world to see me broken
but again, this would be my haters token,
where is the respect?
I am home alone
asking myself what is it I was doing wrong
why am I losing everything I love?
my child is now so grown up,
I had never lived a life for myself
all those negative feelings of loneliness
came rushing in like a wildfire of true
agony of bleeding pains
the cuts are so deep
I felt I could no longer breath
I even thought for a moment
my heart stop beating,
all those memories of my life
beat upon my me until I was broken
deeper than life ever could hand me,
this pain is stripping, taking everything
from me;
drain ever part of goodness from me
leaving me powerless
while I hear the evil ones
laughing at my pains
hoping for rain to come my way to stay,
I have no strength left in me,
this pain of letting go of what I truly love
Is really bringing me down to my knees
begging God to help me,
because this pain I feel
is striping me from all that I had ever live for.
Within the hours my child
walked back in the door
and that was the end of the war.

Poetic Judy Emery © 2017
The Queen of Darken Dreams Poetic Lilly Emery