It hurts a lot. It hurts so much and I know you're never going to understand why it hurts me but just know it does. It's ****. And I'm crying. And i don't know what else to say besides that I don't want to loose you.. Again. And again. And again. I know I don't act like I love being around you but I do. I'm just ******* stupid. It's been so good just having you back in my life and talking almost how we used to and I thought we might actually get back to the way it was before it all. But no. I'll try to deal for awhile.

Maybe it hurts so much because it makes me realize that I'm not even half of what you are  to me as a person. as a feeling. as an inspiration. I hope I handle it better than I have in the past and I'll be preparing for your absence. Again

sls