I thought about you today.

I guess it's been so long since you've crossed my mind that I can barely remember the short time we lived.

I've questioned everything.
I don't know anything well enough to justify a moment of certainty.
The best that I can hope for is sameness.

I've lived thinking I was a decent person who made mistakes like everyone else.
A bold faced lie, yes.
I take responsibility for teaching it to myself
For burning it into my brain,

I thought about you today.

The reality is, something in my head makes me function this way.
Something deep inside me.

I could give the simple answer, that I've always felt insecure no matter who I see, and that being because the first girl I ever loved, loved deep enough to die for, live for, cheated on me. Made me feel worthless.

That person is you.

It crossed my mind how you filled my empty chest, told me I was good enough for everyone, that my funeral would sell out.

But I'm stronger now. I'm growing up. Something I never thought I was capable of.
I'm growing up.
Soon I'll think about you for the last time.
I won't need to celebrate.

I thought about you today, and finally realised that you're cancer, you are plague, all you are is regret.

I'll walk away, because a healthy person doesnt need that,

I thought about you today, for the last time.