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Dec 2016
I think I used to know you.
I think we used to reach deep
for the prettiest pebbles at the bottom
of the stream, wash them clean,
take them home to our mothers. I cut
my heels on the screen door one summer,
banged it too fast behind me when I saw
you coming. I stopped living in the real world,
started living in joint adventures we created.
We kept our secrets on scraps of paper
in holes in trees in the woods. We kept
promises with string around our pinkies. I still
remember everything, all the things I was
supposed to tell you when I got home. I’ve
forgotten the ten numbers that used
to make me feel safe. I buried you in static
and fun times with other people. Escapism,
more like escaping missing you. Missing
the feeling, that feeling, mossy hands,
bare ***** feet, tree-branch kids, kids
who split one universe into ten thousand.
Sometimes I think I can still control time
but never the way we used to. If I could
I’d be back with you, buttercups lighting
up my chin even on the cloudy days. Pressing
flowers against our skin, poppies and
forget-me-nots. Ivy as a bookmarker,
saving the moments I want to remember. Sunroom
sunlight sunshine, all those bright and
beautiful things. You were one of them.
I’ve found others; I’ve been places
where the sun never stops burning the
earth. Nothing was ever like that
in our universes; the only things that burned
were skinned knees, picking the gravel out
felt like coming home to shut doors and
silence. I think about you when I see
dandelions and mud and rainbows
reflected in puddles. I wish I could make this place a home,
I wish I could write down more secrets on
notebook paper, find more holes my hands
can reach, stash parts of myself in this universe,
make peace with all the ones I’ll never return to.
Daisy chain, tree-bark skin, doe-eyed girl. I’m sorry
for all the ways things aren’t the same anymore.
Lilli Sutton
Written by
Lilli Sutton  22/F/Shepherdstown, WV
(22/F/Shepherdstown, WV)   
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