how tricky these traps are that i set stealthily in the deepest dark nights for myself

the desperate stench of desire wafts up and reminds me of every moment i chose a him over me, simultaneously

i look into your eyes and see the fear that looked out of my own and washed over my world for so many moons

for this reason i am hardened and softened all at once, my legs moving before the decision has even registered in my brain

i weep then, not because of loss, but because of the growing pains that have finally manifested tangible change