Nov 2016

for how long can i go
without loving you out loud
before my teeth break
for bitting down on themselves
before my soul aches
to message you late at night
looking for old answers
with the same old questions

for how long will my heart beat
without you loving me
before it stops, tears, and breaks,
snapping the pain away like ink spills
from the old pens i keep

fow how long can i breathe the smoke
(if i were ever to quit smoking
but i'm not)
before my dry lips crust to their very core
becoming a thirsty slave again
from your puddles drinking dirty water
prasing you like the god you are not

fow how long can i exist in this sliver
burying my brain into the depthness of nothingness
I made myself become
voided, meaningless, so proud of all the bitterness
i never planned it out to be like this
but  it is such a beautiful thing to be out of feelings
unpure feelinds, lonely feelings, loving feelings,
shallow feelings, with you feelings, anxious feelings

fow how long will my poems sing about you
without cutting you with its sharp tongue twisted knife
before i can not longer crawl back to you at night
because it's so late and you're so tired and the never ending pain
keeps growing within me; (i wonder if you have ever noticed
all the bad you have caused me just by existing near me
so far away from me, outgrowing me like bad weed)

for how long have i loved you now
for how long have you not cared
drowing in front of my eyes,
in front of the mirror my poems have made me out of
ought to confront the not only wrecking but defeating battle
of loving the unloving, you;
for you were never one to settle
and it was pathetic of me to think
you could ever love me
for how often i realize that someone like me
doesn't end up with someone like you

i suppose i can only fool myself long enough
until i forget why i need to
but even that is not long enough, apparently

Ninah Dau
Written by
Ninah Dau  Caracas, Venezuela
(Caracas, Venezuela)   
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