If only a little eye of newt, or mandrake root, or hemlock bark, could turn these loathsome suitors into lovers handsome, tall and dark. They paste their unappealing photos next to profiles trite and silly, send flirtations cut-and-pasted into the ether *****-nilly. Don’t you know my time you’ve wasted? I have no interest in your wooing. Instead of listing your opinions there are things you should be doing: Learn to listen, read some books, lose 15 lbs and learn some manners, return emails, learn to cook, travel widely, learn a language. Say what you mean, do what you say, you’ll find a date without delay.
I haven’t found the witches’ brew that will turn boys into men. 'til then with dating I am through, and bitter missives I will pen.