To the boy who was never mine, but pretended to be

ive been trying to write this letter for months now
im still not sure if it should be an apology
my biggest mistake was thinking that you could fix me
only i can fix me
i shouldnt have let you all the way in
i turned you into a puppeteer
i got ******* even though we said no strings attached
i wish you didnt have to lose me to appreciate me
i hope someday you come across a picture of me watching fireworks
and you wonder how many books i have read since then
or how many times i have re-watched eternal sunshine
or if i still eat ice cream even though im lactose intolerant
or if i ever think of you
I don’t.
i want you to have sleepless nights where your eyes flicker
trying to forget images of me laughing in your passenger seat
i want your heart to ache every time some one mentions my name around you
i wanted so bad for you to fight for me, but now i am glad you didnt
you can have the watch back, time does not exist to me anymore


I cut off every string that leads back to you