no one would love me for these scars and scratches and tears on my skin. worry, stress and fear embed themselves under my epidermis and i struggle to live a normal life by wearing my favorite sweaters on most days outside to hide the marks. most of them don't realize or see it. that is good. only at night when it turns itchy and yells to be touched again, to be scratched again, to be bled again, and a fresh wound opens up. i have lived with this for almost seventeen years. and it only surfaced in its prominence at the dawn of my twentieth year. it must be a sign for a premature, impending doom. it keeps me up at night and even my brain wishes to stop my entire system but what can it do? it can only speak and think for so long. it keeps me tired in the day and my suicidal heart pounds in beats of "NO" in my chest, blood rushing faster when i scratch once more. the heart can't even stop itself from feeling the itch, the pain, the anger, the remorse, the pity.
i don't know when this will go, just as i don't know how it came to me.
i just want rest. i just want peace. with others and myself. peace within myself.
my thoughts are just as sickly as the eczema i have right now, and it's raging on and on and i can't seem to live properly anymore