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Sep 2016
who said that ego-tripping was bad?
ego-tripping, a proper definition?
a circumstance of being overly
excited at the ability to not think,
as such a state of excitement
without any thought being pervasively
obstructive, e.g. the story of my life:,
and the opening words -
             not admitted to a lunatic asylum:
the lunatics claim the moon
is their source of inspiration -
the lesser aesthetic of the sun-basked
marble statue sculptors of
      the classic societies -
nie przyjęty do szpitala -
well, sure, cheap industrial music,
but i always wanted to invoke
the opening sentences on Hanzel und
Gretyl's mein kommandant -
   picking out words from the whittle german entree:
                glaube (faith, inert, without belief)
                                          herzen (
                            concerning hearts,
                                             in action:
               do you have the ability to stir-up hearts?)
           du (you)                  biste
            liebe (love)
                                        treue (loyalty)
          that recurrent du as in: do you?
        but only when coupled with biste,
    hence the: du biste...
                                        every language has
the same formidable defence structures,
   it didn't really take the Chinese to build
the great wall of China to defend themselves...
their ideograms were enough...
                   English thought it was well
defended... but someone spotted its diacritical
nakedness, and someone came by and
inserted a few examples where deviation could
be encouraged...
                             sure, the media damns them
esp. in Western Europe, coming from the East...
or even from Africa... me? i call them
the Kamikaze...                 to me they are the
epitome of the Kamikaze...
                 seeing these grammatical defences
that each language possesses to obstruct integration
in a foreign land... well... my father has a house
and a profession... i have completely authority
of the language that didn't make me into
a prodigal son roofing skyscrapers...
                         i could have allowed this
host language to deal me the poker hand of being
a school janitor (mind you)...
                                          but it didn't...
   this language has no authority over me other than
the type i give it, and i do have intellectual
limitations - as is due for everyone to have -
                but i'm not bound to how people dictate
language in positions of authority...
                    i dictate language from the only position
available: i am the language, and i am not
language attached to some specific role in society
that might enable me to shout down the pyramidal
hierarchy of some embittered authority...
                      yes, sometimes the posit coordinate
of reciprocating existence comes first...
           and thought, like sound from a passing aeroplane
comes much later...
                         but this isn't a debate
about being catholic protestant buddhist or atheist,
        i'm not here for the identifier coordinates to
say i'm so and so... the point is:
                 i know what thought will come along
having staged such a overpowering pompousness
   of a claim... that over version of being self-conscious:
write something ridiculous, and retract from
it, returning to your everyday routine...
                         because that's the only way you're
going too survive in a world of plumbers and electricians:
              and that's not an insult...
                                     it's a way to get by
   what all writers missed:
                      that quasi-Narcissus moment of
seeing a reflection in a blank piece of paper,
           as whatever Narcissus saw in his reflection in
the lake... not self-love for the writers... self-loathing.
Mateuš Conrad
Written by
Mateuš Conrad  33/M/Essex (England)
(33/M/Essex (England))   
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