This is a poem that might make my mother angry
The feeling of a fist to my face
The fingers cold and like mush
could not feel familiar enough
a loud echo bouncing off my skin
but that felt better
Than my ribs rumbling
as my heart tried to bounce itself through them
Thump
Thump
Thump
and suddenly I was the weak one
now I'm balancing on a trapeze wire
Wondering what's better the air or the ground
but one day the curtains will close
Finally the end will come
something you made me not so scared of.
because pills tasted like candy with you.
the thought of being a better with with you
I couldn't feel my limbs with you
but that's okay, I couldn't quite feel myself, too.

they say,
"You're scared of Commitment
But you want all these tattoos"
I want something that has to stay
That can't just get up and walk away
Because that's what has happened my whole life
But tattoos even fade away after a while
ink only stays for so long
but that's okay at least they're still in my life
I needle got shoved in my skin for them
and after all the pain being with you was worth it
because even though it hurt
At least you stayed
please just don't walk away
Stay for awhile you made less tough
Stay for awhile you already know I'm less than enough
Stay for a bit, my skin might be red
I just wanted a place for you
that just wasn't in my head
I know hearing me say this gets tiring after a while
Trust me I know
Today, I wrote about it ten times
It was more than a few lines
so many people have broken my brain
now it feels normal being
In pain
because when I look at someone who reminds me of you
I can't help but think
they'd leave me too
even though
they aren't like you
They saw me perform at the circus
on the trapeze water
and they told me it was okay to just quit
and hit the ground till dirt came into my mouth
because my blistering feet
Did not deserve this somehow,
And they waited for me.
at the foot.
near the dirt.
they waited for me
because they knew it would hurt.
and they wanted my face to feel less numb,
And the moment I hit the ground,
I looked for you,
in the clouds.
but you weren't anywhere to be seen,
living in a never ending dream.
and i bled.
and you were somewhere watching.
I don't know where
But I felt you smile.
i felt it in the dirt.
in my arms.
in my hair.
you smiled,
while i wept.
and the curtains finally closed.