And still I am screaming from the base of my arteries "I gave all of me to you and you turned away"
Swollen and drunk on a Sunday I make my way to the foot of the cross and call out your name once more
I am a mess of American habits and self centered longing but still I long to be taken back into your living room and told that I am all that I was the day I opened myself to you
The day I washed your feet on your kitchen floor
Drunken and bruised laughing swearing that no matter how long I lived I would never ask for more
You made me pasta and ran your fingers through my hair
On days when my world bit at my ribs you reminded me that I was still there
In simple gestures of midnight snacks and open hands
I found you
I loved you
and I lost
And now I find myself at the foot of the cross
Spitting out your name like sour wine
See the holes in my hands
See the holes in my feet bore from your absence
See the slash in my side from which a river of black pours
Of all the ways I loved you and you never gave back
And now I lie broken and small in my sheets
Praying for some sign or relief that I am rid of you
That the nights we spent are gone
That your clothes are off my floor and my body still moves the way it did before you
Honest and fully free in the gentle morning
That no part of me longs for any part of you
That my hands are full
That my feet are guarded and my side safely stitched
That all of me
 is all I am
Instead of the lack,
Instead of the work of your hands.

For our father,
Who art in heaven
Never hallowed your name.
Though he let your kingdom come,
And your will be done,
He will restore my spirit.
On earth
As it is in heaven.
He will give me today my daily bread forgive my debts
Though I still have trouble forgiving you,  unholy debtor.
Though you lead me into temptation,
He has kept me safe from evil.
For yours,
Was never the kingdom,
The power,
Or the glory,
Forever and ever
Amen.