As a child I'd stare fondly at the barn owl
That would coo outside my older brother's
Window.

My mother would go on and on
About how the owl was a demon.

I was four years old
When I befriended a garden snake in the yard.
I'd run out to the garden,
After ladybugs or in search of caterpillars,
And the little black snake would peer out from under a bush,
Awaiting a piece of frozen chicken I'd bring him from the freezer in the garage.

He'd slither over my bare feet,
And I'd ask him questions
That I never received
Any answers to,
But I was still satisfied
With his presence.

And one day,
I was five,
And excitedly came home from my first day
At a kindergarten I never went back to after September was over.
I raided the freezer,
And brought out half a chicken breast
But Luce wasn't by the hydrangea's.

Finally I heard the smash
Of metal on pavement,
And he had been beheaded
By a neighbors dad,
Using a gardening trowel.

I was not fond
Of the irony.

And in the days to come
I'd make friends with the crows in the yard.

And in the months to come,
I'd recognize a love for creatures other than my own.

And in years following,
I'd much rather converse
With things that would not respond nor listen,
Than beings who think they know better.

And as being repeatedly rejected
And ostracized
Commonly does to a person,
I had resolved that only bad things
Happen to people I care for,
And whether it is true or not,
It is not fair to attempt to protect them
At the cost of their feelings
And my sanity.

So if I'm just bad news,
Let me borrow a line from Taking Back Sunday:
"If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar."

I will never be the rising sun
On a rainy day,
But allow me to be the rain
For the roots of a dying plant.
Allow me to be warmth
On an especially cold winter's day.

Allow me to be the relief
To your pain,
Somehow.
Whether it be the ice that runs through my veins,
Or the fire within my chest.

You have shown me
That flying is more than possible
For the likes of me.
You've very much
Been a beacon of light
On a day that clouds were overwhelming my vision.

I wanted to hold your hand,
But if given the chance,
I'd like to hold your heart.