i write you now after you knocked
and woke after drinking too much
and now my mind turns
because of doubt on your face

as the pen scribbles
i notice dirt under my nail
from working in the yard
while you were here

i step out to smoke
it makes me sick
because you hate it
sparks swirl when i flick
and a fly lands in my mouth

i turn on the vivid screen at 12:02am
and high fidelity is so dramatic
and i think of you
searching 'existential depression'
earlier in the day

when I look into a mirror
i see grey on my face
you bring it up all the time
my mind wanders across the years
and now it's the 4th of July
and i know you love it

this movie is such a drag
i look for another distraction
i rub my finger on a trackpad
and immediately am sad

a high school friend passed
we were not close
and the last picture i see
looks nothing like the person i knew

she asked me to kiss her once
when i was too young
i remember being scared
i rarely feel that anymore

i crawl in bed at 3am
hoping to wake up
to fireworks dancing overhead
you'll smile, and i'll smell your hair
and i'll drown in the blue of your eyes
sparks will trickle and fade
to the base of the night sky