Dinner was a mission, I often wonder if we are to eat, sleep and ONE day die. Someone from across the dinner table asked me why I chew on my chicken bones and sometimes Leave the meat... I brushed the question off and said "its an Africa thing. You know putting some respek on the chicken"
What I tell myself before I sleep is that at least I had a chance to destroy something. Tear it down.hell grind it down to dust and leave it like that. I enjoy draining the life out it. watching the bone marrow seep out of the cracked bones reminds of myself. Reminded of my shattered soul and my will to live that seeps out of my shattered self every **** day.
I am reminded of everyone who has come and stripped me of my "meat" whether I called it worth , sacrifices I made or simply trying to find love in places where rejection taught me that black skin can bruise. I am reminded that I can chew these bones as hard as I want to and then leave them without any sorry lingering in the air. For once, I get to destroy someone and walk out. That's the only time I could feel worth it, I had the last say. That's the only time I could turn into the monsters that chipped me into tiny pieces and taught me 2nd best is okay.
But these are just lies I mask as the truth. .. I look up to my classmate across the dinner table and smile. All is well. All is well. Just another mask I have to wear,,,,, Another lie I have to sell.....