I blame the drugs,
I blame the alcohol,
I blame the despair and the hopelessness that
Put you there.

I blame society.
I blame aggressive personalities.
Taking us down 10 pins at a time.
I blame the pin reset for taking too long
and being faulty at its job.

I blame the selfishness.
I blame the greed.
I blame the world for ******* artists
dry of their passion.

Paying far too much money for splatters of paint
on a canvas.
Paying far too much for songs without meaning
without talent.
That are recycled and reused.

For if I went to art school I'd pay far much more money
To go than I would make in my life.

I am bitter and resentful of what I hear every
single
*******
day.

I blame this chilling loneliness
which shatters my bones.
I blame myself for not picking myself up out of this mess
And moving on.

It's my voice in my head
That's keeping me from getting where I need to be.
That's keeping me from trying harder than my hardest.
That kept me in bed and not at school today.
It's where I need to be.

I realize that some things are my fault.
I realize that others are not.

I look out the window and I want to cry
Because this 'beautiful world' full of possibilities
never fails to just pass on by.

I am consumed by despair.
And I don't enjoy it.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm twenty years old.
To be twenty one in 4 months.
I feel like a 42 year old woman
Stuck at home
Being a mooch.