Age 3.
She was a innocent little girl
Her father took her away from her mother...
Without even letting her say, “goodbye.”

Now, living with her drunken father
Developing through the stages of which she chooses
Having the choices every kid would love

But, for her they weren't choices
They were demands.
She was told to drink.
She was told to pass out.
She was told to stand.
She was told to listen.
Be smart!
Clean this room!
You must obey me!
Learn to think!
She was told to act just like her father.

She had no choice.
The little girl wanted to make a better life for her father.

Age 5.
Always wanting to make a difference,
But couldn’t do the things she wanted with that little voice she had

She goes to school…
Gets the education she’s told to learn.
Accepting how life comes to her.
Goes home…
Gets drunk...
Passes out.
Repeat.

They moved across from the police station.
This girl's life wasn’t well.
Her life began to go downhill...
When her wanted brother moved in.
Her father left to help them live their life
Get their groceries,
Pay the bills.
Although her father stopped the alcohol,
Her brother didn’t help.
The brother that chose to **** his only sister!

Too traumatized, and frightened to run…
She kept the event to herself for 7 years… too frightened to be touched.

Age 12.
In school again.
She loves education, but wants to make it better for other children.
Teaching things that will help in everyday life.
Not learning these long equations we wouldn’t use.
She would love to graduate and make her father proud.
He’s never proud though…

Although she’s gotten through the bullying and the embarrassing class speeches…
Being diagnosed with Bipolar Depression, and MPD didn’t help.
She was judged for being insecure of others.
She was beaten for the choices she chose.
She was tortured for trying to make a difference.

Age 14.
She was scarred through what her eyes have seen
Although they may have deceived
She understood others and their pain.

She told her loving step-sister about the event years ago.
It came as a surprise when she could relate from her daughter’s perspective as well.
She went to the police station and discussed the situation.
The police told the ignorant child to go home with her father.
They had done nothing.
Nothing for the child that had the courage to tell others.
Had the courage to speak up.
Had the thought others would believe her.
But, no.
Nobody. Believed her.

Age 16.
Growing up for High School.
Still suffering through her father, and now “step-mother”.
They call her their step-mother because. . . the little one never really had a mom.
She had searched and searched
But, nothing ever came to her.
Was she alive, or dead?
She had thoughts about her father and how it would make him feel if she ran away...
Would he care for her?
Would he call the police?
Would he even realize?

Looking at others, listening to others
Listening to their story.
She became friends with one…
Putting the blame on herself because she couldn’t save him.
She could have saved him.
She would have saved him.
Why didn’t she?!

. . . . .

I always came to questions of:
Does he love my mom?
Had he looked for her?
Did he hit my mom, or was I just dreaming?
Will I ever find her?
Is she dead?!

I - I don’t know.
Maybe.
I hope I will find her.
I have always felt a hatred for my father because of it…
I want life to be better.
Please…
Be. Better.

. . .

This…
Is my story.