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May 2016
He used to make me happy
On rainy days i still feel comfortable in his arms
I like waking up with his arms wrapped around me
And his breath at my ear
I still enjoy the sound of his voice
Mindlessly talking about stuff i don't care about.
But something has changed.
Maybe its our understanding that this is a dead end relationship
Maybe its that its too late for him to try and make things better.
He's just salting the wounds even more.
Making it worse.
But he's trying.
I'm just not happy.
I'm not happy with the guy that told me i wasn't good enough
I'm not happy with the guy that told me he was ashamed to be with me.
You never forget the first time that someone who looked at you like you were the most beautiful woman on earth told you you should lose weight to look better.
I wish i could forget that you left me before for someone else.
And i wish that you never told me that you didn't want to let yourself fall in love with me because you didn't want to be stuck because you felt like you could do better.
I wish i could start fresh.
With a new perspective of you.
I wish that you would stop ******* up.
And making me unhappy.
I really ******* wish i could walk away
But i need you.
I need you to do my taxes
I need you to take me to the dmv so i can get my license.
I need you to help me be an adult.
And i need you to make me feel like a woman when you make love to me.
I don't want to lose the home i have in your arms.
And the comfortable gaze i hold in your eyes.
I don't want to lose the breath in my ears
And i don't want to stop waking up in your arms.
I just don't know if i can walk away right now.
Hayden Emily Rose Zhara
226
   Got Guanxi and ---
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