Never quit they told me early in my life,
Push yourself, do what you're told, you'll be rewarded.

Now I look back over their spectral shoulders
And ask where is the reward?

They look at me blankly over the years and I elaborate,
Where is the reward I have been promised?
I am older now, older than you were when you set me in motion,
Older than you lived to be and here I am tied to a life
That did not live up to the promises you gave.

For all my effort,
I did not climb to the top of the mountain,
I do not live in a mansion,
There is no plaque with my name for people to admire,
There is only me and I am often lonely even when I'm not alone.

Having said this, I recalled my mother's eyes and saw her again
Standing there with the amused grin she wore
Just before she told me why I was wrong.

Around her I saw other things from the years that passed.
I felt again what I had done and what I had lived

I knew again the things that made me smile
And those that made me cry.
I saw my children and their children
And will probably see the next to come.
I felt my pains, my loves, my losses and my triumphs.
My friends reached out to me, even those who were gone for years
Embraced me and gave me warmth.
I met my wife again, my true love, and lived our moments over.
I felt my frustrations and my angers,
But they didn't weigh as much now as they had then,
Neither did the scorn of those who had their triumphs over me
For many of them are gone now, some ingloriously
While I plod on into an age they'll never know
With memories they'll never have.

My mother smiled from her distance.
She had always known me best and now she knew what I had seen.
She placed a hand upon her heart and waved as
She faded gently back to the place I will call my home.

This life was my reward and more than I deserve.