what i see is a generation of funeral pyres
what i see is children being scattered like
seeds scattered like ashes
chasing a dream that promised us joy
what i see is something wandering
wild and perfect and broken
i think that's it's god
i don't know anything about god

what i hear is my best friends choking down
their fear with a bottle on the weekends
what i hear is a story called "joy" and how
my name fits in it like a wisdom tooth
in an overcrowded mouth
what i hear is that things get worse
before they get better
i don't know anything about getting better

what i feel is lonely
what i feel is sick to death of always running
from what i know, from what i don't
what i feel is tired
of this race i never signed up for
what i feel is like maybe there never was joy,
like maybe all happiness is
is the spaces between aches
that we fill with anything soft
i don't know anything about being soft

what i say is nothing because
fear is a wired jaw
and joy is pulling teeth
one can't exist in the presence of the other
i don't know anything about anything other