i used to feel
like the solid ground
that's beneath the mud
or the grass,
or the snow.

always sturdy,
taking whatever
weather comes my way
& waiting for it to pass.
never changing who i was
based on what was happening to me.

well, lately
i am pollen,
or cigarette ashes,
or dead leafs,
being pulled
in a million
different directions,
seeing so much,
but not experiencing any of it.

it's like i'm here,
but i'm already gone

and i'm never positive
where it is that i'm going
or why i even continue to move.

i am powerless,
being pulled by external forces...

like my ex boyfriend
who said he'd keep in touch
but never ******* called

or my best friend
who leaves rehab
just to go back again.

i used to feel connected-
i was one with the space
that i occupied.

now the earth moves
and i bend.

the sun falls
and i trip.

the days wander passed
and i roam aimlessly
in the opposite direction.

i wanna be the ground,
i am sick of bending.

i wanna be the ground.

and at night,
i always catch myself
wondering if i'll
ever be safe again.

i wanna be the ground,
i am sick of roaming.

i wanna be the ground.

but i've been
uprooted to strange homes
too many times
to find my land.