this is just an estimation of
other words i have for you
this is not my entire truth
semi-recognizable

i am just one of the people who
like looking down thru
what the way-down brings,
is bringing me to

head down, under attack
pleading to be drowned
begging more, eyes rolled back
bound and choked in half

give me the most and more,
all of the descent
cant you feel my cold cold skin
the death of good intent

inevitably reprehensible
this manner of unacceptable
politely pretending proximity to you
without sliding easily into
the familiarity of our own
private black hole vacuum

back slide discovery,
rare delicacy you consume
all but delicately
**** red raw the wound
my insides out from me
my feigned innocence
exhumed

where in the void you radiate
everything i desire
friction burn ignite
supernova fire
instant spasm implosion
silent screaming perfect
chaos opening and closing
bring a star shining to death

until nothing persists in vacancy
all what of me is left
one small frozen exhaling
tiny puff of breath
dissipating, frail, fragile
your hand closing in vain
around the fading intangible
every second reinventing pain,

bringing emptiness by the handful
and every very good reason not to
believe in me, instead,
to be very careful
with the perverse purity of the dead

nowhere now to hide because
everywhere is findable
no way now to get lost because
everything is definable
no way now to lie because
my mouth breaks hearts that way
no way now to say
what you wanna hear
because i have swallowed that away

except, obviously
don't follow me down
don't appear beside me
this was never steady ground
despite what we’d like to think

obviously, my friend
don't let me get away with it
or let me let you again
don't pretend smile sarcastic,
even if this is an ironic end,
this is hard enuff to give and take,
without making light, or laughing fake,
permanent ink black out that night
indelibly erase

i just have to cry and write this down
because you know exactly every detail why
and because officially on paper
its not really a good bye

i have no discipline
except when it comes to the pen
i can capitalize on a beginning,

as you well know,

and now, here,
i will punctuate an end.