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Feb 2016
I think about going back in time a lot
I think about all of the ways I could have done something differently
I would go back and tell my parents I appreciate them or
apologize to everyone who deserves it
I would go back and learn people's worth rather than ignore them based off of what I had heard
What I think about the most though,
I would go back and hold you.
I would hold you while you cried
And I would press my lips on your forehead.
And I'd tell you it isn't okay, you can be hurt, your pain is valid
but that does not mean you should feel ashamed.
After the first time it happened,
your dad found you in the living room.
He asked the boy why your underwear
had been pulled down.
You don't remember this, you were too young.
And I wish I could go back
to that moment and stop him.
I would grab his wrist
and squeeze it so tight I would hurt myself
and I would tell him to stop
but he didnt because my grip wasnt strong enough.
And when his finger tips touched your delicate skin,
you felt your entire like change.
And when his fingers tips spread and his palm met your stomach,
you lost the first piece of yourself-
your memory.
But don't worry, dreams will tell you the things you pray to all of the gods not to remember.

I think about going back to the first time you asked him to wait.
You closed your eyes and went to somewhere he couldn't touch you.
You dreamt of somewhere far away.
A room.
A dark room with no doors so no one could come in and the lights were always off.
Now, beautiful angel, this is where it began.
You didn't have to be there anymore.
He wasn't hurting you anymore
or- you don't remember anymore.
Only now in my dreams.

I think about going back to the first time he didn't wait.
Because the lights turned on.
I would find a way to get inside your far away room and I would hold you.
I would bring your face up to meet mine
and as I press my forehead to yours
I would tell you I am going to protect you.
And I would.
And it would all stop there.
But I can't be in two places at once my sweet sweet baby girl
so I will leave you with this,
I way to ask for your forgiveness
Written by
skyyy  California
   Tana Marie B and Little Bear
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