we have become saturated sponges, soaking up unrequited love as if it were water but we are running out of air and chasing nostalgia like a blind man would his cane has to stop someday. candy lovers all taste the same, sweet and sour at the same time and bitter too. he told me he was tired of just ******* around tired to coming in second place tired of not being able to breathe because he was a crumpled up dishtowel on that floor than cannot dry because he was tired of absorbing my tears on his shoulder and becoming a monsoon too big to live but too small to make a difference. i said stay he said no i said i'll change he said he didn't think i could i said i was sorry and he said there was no reason to apologize for the truth. but how can i not apologize when i have made you a trophy story to tell my friends when i am drunk and moody because you are no longer by my side. how can the words i'm sorry not be carved into the cave of my mouth, tattooed across my bottom lip with jet black ink when i still call you, just to prove to myself that i am good enough for someone at least how can i not be unyieldingly grateful when you put me back together after i was a broken glass vase and planted flowers in the deepest embers of my imagination. i am sorry. i am sorry that i am too big of a mess to acknowledge that i need help. i am sorry that i am so scared of failure i hide behind big t shirts and razor sharp knives. i am sorry that i lie through my teeth like a magician and get angry when you don't tell me the truth, as if i have a right to deserve it. but most of all, i am sorry that you cannot help but grow flowers in a place where only weeds grow. my body is an abandoned graveyard too beaten down to function and you tried to make it a home and for that, for that most of all i am truly sorry, from the deepest trench at the smallest hole in my skeleton.
"stop trying to grow flowers in a place where only weeds grow," -nr.poems on instagram. thoughts?
the title is a reference to the beginning of Marvin's Room by Drake, one of my all time favorite songs.