Maybe on the night of New Year's Eve I will go to my roof and all of this will disappear, maybe I can start all over and become a whole new better person because I'm not the person I want to be, and I know it's cliché to write about a new year but God do I need this year to be good to me. I always thought I knew myself and what I stood for but why am I rushing to be somebody? It shouldn't matter if I know what I want or who I am. I know this is the prime time of self discovery but I'm terrified. What if I figure out soon who I am and I don't even recognize her? Thinking about my future and whether or not any of this will matter is my biggest fear because the people and things I care about so deeply now could mean nothing to me in a matter of months. What does that mean for me? Spending a countless number of nights wondering about things and how I can make things right will be for nothing but will I feel resolved?