They say that Christmas is the hardest
Time of year for single people.
I still can’t get used to the single status.
The neighbors Christmas eve party
Is in full doldrums.
The party is kind of boringand God I miss her.
Then all changes in a single moment.
I see her standing next to me.
Stunning and sweet as she always was.
Beautiful but no longer my wife.
Her smile cuts my heart open
like a knife.
Hi how are you? she whispers.
I hope she cannot tell I am lying.
As I tell her I am fine and make up
some recent accomplishments.
My mind is locked on her figure
Her lips her hair.
I might as well be speaking
In a foreign language.
Words are falling like snowflakes
randomly In the wind.
I ask her how she has been
She frowns lightly.
There’s a hole in my life she said.
I fill up our glasses with wine.
Hope now raising in my heart
Like the wine filling my glass.
She tells a few happy stories
It’s weekend and a party
happy is a prerequisite.
We drink quicklyin an attempt
to fill our inner emptiness.
And suddenly its midnight
I hold her coat she slips
her arms into the sleeves.
Like we have done a thousand
times before.
I spin her to me we kiss softly.
I remember her and the hurt melts.
I fight back my dumb tears and
She comes back to my small flat
We make love the trapped
tears fall inside my eyes.
Then the warmth of her
floods my soul I am bipolar now.
Feeling over the moon.
I should have stayed on an
emotional carousel not jumped
onto the roller coaster.
I can’t hold it back
I spoil it all by saying
I love you honey.
So much
Please come back to me.
She stiffened slightly in my arms.
The close moment was lost.
We will see she whispers.
But I know.?I just know.
The house is silent I awaken
to the soft click of my door closing.
Her side of my bed is still warm.
Her perfume heady on her pillow.
I know my half healed heart
Will reopen the cuts she left before.
And I would bleed
like I did when she first left me.