The sun is bright and annoying as **** as usal the woman pull's up in a brand new Mustang cherry red gleams in the parking lot. She's living the life but hey sometimes when ya stop to take a restroom break ***** happens.
Halfway back to Carolina me and my loyal hetro companion Bone. Are doing what two full blooded American men would do riding like bats outta hell going through this womans cd collection Alanis Morrisett dear lord man do they hand these ******* out as soon as they get there periods?
But isnt it ironic dont ya think? Flying down the interstate music blasting beers gathering on the floor like brainless ***** at a Justin Bieber concert. I gaze into the rearview only to come to realize like weirdos in a schoolyard we are not alone.
Looking at from the backseat appeared to be some sort of old ****** in a diper hey ***** but whatever floats your boat jesus these flashbacks are getting to be hell.
My amigo slash fellow tripper of the light fantastic was in a trance already into track seven you oughta know the brainwashing was a ******* dam lesbian **** front! Even I was fighting the urge to go to the lilth fair and stop shaving but the fellas were so against the natural look oh snap.
Bone dear lord snap outta it were not in a movie thearter! Sorry Gonz what the ***** up ? Well my mexican amigo I belive theres a little perve dwarf in the backseat that or that acid crazy Larry sold me really is kicking my ****.
Looking at me like most do with that strange since of hey should i just get out here or go with the trip he looked for a second. Silent in a awkward sense like when my prom date caught me masterbaiting in her closet the night befor hey it looked better on me anyways yeah dont ask.
Bone finally spoke you crazy ***** it's a ******* kid **** we stole a ******* kid were so ******. Jesus we had both been so safe how was i gonna explain this i thought deeply then finally took a detor from my usal insanity to do something i seldom do. Think.
Well Bone looks like were gonna have to get a abortion. It's already born *******. My deep thinking and total drunk amigo made a good point it would get kinda messy.
Well maybe we can check it's collar or drop it in the post office box or even a dumpster hey dont knock it thats where momma gonzo misplaced me strippers there so care free and total ***** im just saying but enough bout Katy Perry
Dude are you totally ****** nuts? It was at that moment the little bald man began to cry. Bone calm down cant you see your upsetting it Jesus wheres my manners give him this.
Gonz dude it's my last one. Bone had a point but this little hairless doorstop needed to take the edge off so the beer was his.
Miles passed as we thought what to do but with this little jumping bean it wasnt gonna be easy getting into the ******* or getting him a fake ID. course we could always say he was that dwarf from Austin Powers But hey even I had some morals the poor little ******* had it bad enough let alone to be connected to Mike Myers im just saying.
The ride to grandma Gonzos chop shop proved to long for my two drunken companions hey it was past Bones bed time after all he starts drinking at 6 am . I gazed down apon the little amigo as he slept so peaceful must have just had a ******* ahh memories.
Then Bone finally came to Gonz what the **** dude I told you stop cuddling with me people are gonna talk! Like they havent already just go with it and yes I am happy to see you. After a brief fight and some make up hugs and cookies mmm cookies and ****** harassment it goes togather like poetry and misery winning.
Gonz where the hell is the kid? My friend seemed concerned I wonder did these two have something going on yeah maybe that was it hmmm never trust a drunk or a bald headed dwarf in a diper but grandpa wasnt all that bad.
Gonz wheres the baby ! The sound of the car being crushed made it hard to hear yet still I could here jagged little pill playing ranting bout what true ****** men were amen to that sister. Jesus that Canadian ***** died hard!
Gonz ! Finally I snapped outta my trance oh yeah that dwarf dont worry he's in the trunk. The trunk! The ******* trunk! Hey dont worry I left him some beer and penuts jesus man calm down must been his time of the month.
Bone was frantic like when he herd there wasa beer truck overturned on the interstate. Tears rolled down his eye's once like any good friend i did what all true men do when a bro is crying. Video taped it and put it on you tube to laugh my *** off later.
Gonz how could you ? Bone he's in a better place now whats wrong? You killed him how could you destroy such a innocent thing.
Dear lord I know my pinto is old but it's far from a deatn trap well okay it kinda is but relax see i popped the trunk grapped the little hamster by the leg held him up high he's fine a little stinky hey if he cant hold his ***** thats his issue. Btw where do we get feed for this thing cause im almost outta dog biscuts?
After Bone finally stopped being such a drama queen Jesus that album had some strange powers. We were off with are little stinky drunken friend brothers bent on sharing experience and drugs and maybe some strippers hey kids are chick magnets im just saying I should have stole one ages ego.
We laughed we cried we found out dipers can really get filled up . He sometimes it's best not to hold everything in.
And as are money flew from us like braincells from a ******* shoot. I called the smartest most rational person i knew Richard Shepard. Who after cussing me for waking him up at 3 in the morning finally explained it all to me Jesus who ever knew thats where babies came from.
So there we parted togatehr the three amigo's Man what a party hey Bone? Dam right hey Gonz i got the stamps on his forehead help me get him in the post office box.
And after a brief moment like my mind are little amigo was gone Outta are lives. We stood there silent. Hey Gonz wanna go back to the *******. Amigo all i gotta say is **** yeah !
And like that we were off to more adventures that rambled on for hors till ya want to strangle me or take me home and keep me like a demented perverted puppy that although seemed cute if petted would just **** your leg.
A week later
the woman sat there with little wahtever the hell his name was in his high chair. Harvey get the camera I think he's gonna say his first word. The two parent's so excited come on whatever the hell your name is say it it.
The little rascal grinned from ear to looking at the object of most means thoughts I belive the proper term is *******. Building up the strength from somewhere deep inside. His parent's so excited and happy he was gonna talk also hahaha im not right.
Finally little whats his name spoke ****! ****! ****! His parents stunned I told you frank not to cuss around him. I didnt and my names not Frank *****!
***** you I told you your family's ****** up side would ***** everything up. Yeah couldnt be the total ***** side rubbed off either huh? It was like a scene from the Waltons. Little whats his name speaking his first word two parents cussing each other out it's so holesome reminds me of home.
Untill next time watch your kids cause theres some bad influences out there unlike my wholesome ****. Stay crazy Gonzo