i had loved you so well, and still do. you are my brother, i will be waiting, at a distance, for the chance to do something noticeable. maybe i could write something, i thought. i didn't remember that you were settling, back then, when we first knew each other,when i gave you every inch of what i'd hidden. back then, you were waiting for something older, friends you had known and loved and could love, again. i am writing this and my heart is hurting me, you are only the first person to never lie to me. i can't need you. i can't need you. i can't need you.