I could never describe
what I am feeling within
this black ink upon the page

this betrayal
that sinks into my chest
and grabs hold within

I try to breathe
you have a knife to my throat
and I long to be happy

it’s strange how you’re gone
long days of laughter
now filled with emptiness

but I’d rather be empty
than be with you
you make my blood scream

you make my hair stand up
you make my eyes
swing around in my head

I feel unsafe
that my secrets lay between couch cushions
like lost change

I wish I could take them back
wrap them up and hide it under the bed
I wish I could build walls

I climb up the ladder but
it is slick and I
fall further back down every time

and soon there is no place left to fall
except the floor where I lay
in the exact spot you left me

I can’t live in the place I was
controlled and refrained like a bad habit
I’m lost with you
but I’m found without you
while we were together
we were also far apart
maybe losing this will bring me up
even though everyone says
I’m bound to be brought down

but I believe in happiness
I have worshiped the thought of it
held it at my fingertips and watch
as it refused to be touched

this is me telling you
that I am strong
stronger then the weights
you tie at my ankles

and i am sorry
that my idea of happiness
is something you despise

but I am here to say
live with it
like I’ll live without you