the most heartbreaking thing of all is that I watched myself fall apart

I looked in the mirror and slowly didn't recognize this sad girl
I couldn't find myself
the monsters in my head kidnapped me
I wanted you to save me
so bad

but I felt you forgetting me
forgetting us
so I stayed kidnapped
and slept

you got mad
because I needed to get out of bed
but when I would say, "I can't"
why didn't you understand the cry for help?

even though the pain is in my head
doesn't mean it isn't real to me

I see you smiling and singing
when I always wanted you to sing to me

and by the time I woke up from the long night of fighting demons
you had already left
your body remained
so you thought with it

I felt like a *****
my boyfriend had his fingers in me and around my neck
while I held my head in my hands pleading for the bad thoughts to go away
you would hit your head too
as if it felt like it was poisoning your life

you made me feel like I was crazy
and I think I might be

this is what I've been so afraid of
the monsters in my head that kidnapped me

were me