the sun was so bright that it bled through the blinds and
my hair was so short i felt naked
you told me you liked it,
my short hair
i wondered if he would notice

i try to keep the memory fresh, i avoid that photo he and
i featured in accidentally, my back to the camera,
his eyes his gaze his eyes on me
when i see it, occasionally, i have to wonder, was that
transfixed interest or him just wanting
to ****

maybe
it's the same
thing maybe what i want is to be
wanted maybe i want what he wants and he wants to take his hands and
put them where he wants to and maybe tell his friends about it later and then i'd be all used up

for two weeks, swollen lymph nodes rake razors down my neck,
making sleep elusive sleep even though sleep i
want it so badly
i hope when i see you i'm breathing easy
i hope my hair grows
back just a little
i hope to learn the male secret of infinite resource,
to give to others without diminishing myself