It's been a year since I had a drink,
but three months since I had a cigarette

Each day I feel myself slowly fading away,
and I am scared I'll end up slipping back into my old ways.

The panic attacks at night come back,
and all I need is a way to rant.

I turn the music on full volume,
because I need something louder than the voices in my head.

I stare at my bedroom walls till past 2a.m on a school night,
I blame insomnia, but my mind is the reason why.

I can't stop myself from thinking back to when I actually slept at night,
and when my hands didn't shake all day long,

I feel like I am just a pair of eyes,
watching as the world goes by.

I am just a bystander,
while everyone keeps moving.

I started to feel nothing again,
letting things go on while I stood still.