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Apr 2015
I almost sold you out for a fake smile
For moments thoughts, I mean reasoning mourned my neglect of her like a lover mourning the lose of her prince charming on their first honeymoon night.
It wasn't the first, but the second glance that ensnared my conscience into thinking it could compare to the radiance that greets me into sunrise every morning.
I wonder...
Did you feel a strangeness in your eyes, or a sudden contraction of betrayal on your face?
Because I did.
I felt the coldness of emptiness caressing my conscience like white on rice, guilt was all over me
But wait...
It was just a smile, I thought to myself, how harmful could that be?

I almost sold you out for a cheap kiss
Yes.... My second glance made it look and feel too fine and sweet to miss.
The clasping of our lips panged  heavy on my confidence
Voice of reason in me grew from still small to a roaring rebuke...
Stop please stop, you're too much for this.
Stop please stop, you must not insist
But like a river determined to flow into the sea I kept on in that path and in real time, paving way of exit for my conscience whenever that voice of reason spoke.
It is just a kiss, who would fall for this?
Who would get carried away by a simple act such as that?
It was strange, the taste of something new, the taste of a sensation that didn't come from you.
I felt the coldness of emptiness caressing my conscience like white on rice, guilt was all over me
But wait...
It was just a kiss, I thought, who would ever fall for this?

I almost sold you out for a one night stand
So ashamed,
Like, "what was I thinking?"
How could I not smell a fowl play when the temporal promised a more lasting fulfilment than the eternal?
It seemed as if life had me set up and all of the odds placed against me...
But wait...
It wasn't life that made me look back
It wasn't fate that dragged my body into this unhealthy Union where I now stand with my conscience, desperately in need of a re-circumsision...
It wasn't destiny that led me to give away my dignity for some momentary pleasure at the expense of purity
I guess it has been me all the way
Setting up the trap and turning back to take the bait
What now?
Waking up from the illusion with half my senses in the right place and acknowledging the one thing that makes the difference between what I almost thought to be life what void your presence had filled...
Bottom line is..
You actually saved me even when I almost sold you out.
It's unfortunate, how we sometimes give the temporal more value than the eternal.
Crossyde Gimp
Written by
Crossyde Gimp  Jos, Nigeria
(Jos, Nigeria)   
   Arlo Disarray
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