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Apr 2015
You always spoke too fast,
And then stopped yourself, apologizing
Mumbling now
You always danced much longer than everyone else at the parties
Did you ever think you'd make it out alive?
I wish the answer was yes
((Even though I knew better))
You always stayed in bed for far too long
And cried much too hard
And loved people who couldn't feel the same
It started to wear on you,
Funny what love can do
It fades
Or did it never exist?
Why am I here? You asked me
You asked me often
I answered the same each time
'You and the universe are the same, and we need you here'
Maybe it wasn't good enough,
Maybe it was my fault,
Maybe It was my fault
You're breathing faster now
I try to calm you down,
It never works,
It never works
I got angry,
Maybe it was my fault-
Is my fault
I don't know how to write anymore
Your hands always guided mine,
Your hands don't exist anymore
You always played your music too loud,
You were only yourself while you were drowning your thoughts out with song
People would yell at you,
And I'd try to sing along
Maybe I didn't sing loud enough
I'll never forget the day you turned your music off,
Both literally and figuratively
An allegory,
Or is it irony?
I don't know anymore
I remember you laying in the wooden bed-
Skin soft, artificially pink
I showed up to your wake, drunk
((Wasn't much of a surprise, was it?))
You'd always told me that you would be the first one to go
Sadly it was true,
Should've been me
I punish myself everyday for it-
Trust me
I showed up drunk
Funny how my veins were filled with the same poison that killed you
Maybe I subconsciously meant to do that
I showed up drunk
I jumped in and tried to resuscitate you,
They dragged me out and gave me this look
This disgusted, disappointed look
And I realized that's how people have been looking at you your entire life,
And I finally understood
They threw me out and I fell to my knees
I understood why you took the blade
Took the blade to your--
I saw you laying in that box,
And wondered where your soul was
I remember those nights,
I remember those late nights
Clutching each other in the cold
Wanting out of this town,
Of this world
I stayed
You relied so heavily on me and
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry I couldn't stop you from lifting the bottle to your lips,
The blade to your wrist,
The gun to your mouth,
I'm sorry I couldn't quiet your thoughts
Now I know how evil they were
I'm sorry I couldn't stop you from lifting the bottle to your lips,
The blade to your wrist,
I made a home in your veins
so when you cut them,
I died with you
I fell to my knees and finally understood
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