I sat there and I wondered why I was not motivated,
Why I failed my tests,
why I was not doing as well as I hoped to be doing.
And then I realized,
all I was doing was sitting at a table and asking why and dreaming of going to the top schools in the nations and dreaming of getting straight As and dreaming of proved them all wrong and dreaming
Dreaming was all that I was doing.
What's the use of dreaming if you don't act upon your dreams?
You'll keep dreaming and life will go on without you.
You'll keep questioning and complaining about the education system but you won't realize that you don't do anything.
And then you wake up and it's April and you panic. Where did the past 3 months  go and you realize that you spent three months wasted in Dreamland, living a pretend life with your pretend As.
It was then I had an epiphany of sorts, in the mostly unlikely place,
a dingy car while half asleep joining the mad dash to school.
It was then I realized that I could change my future, and I could just do it.
I mean, I knew this fact all  along but I never fully understood it.
But in my groggy state and gloomy setting, I understood what it meant and I realized how easy it was to pick up my pen and choose to write that essay. I did not have to succumb to the voice within that told me to relax or watch videos.
I had a choice, I had a way.
How remarkable is that?