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Apr 2015
The night is the first thing I believed in. My life was surrounded by the desire for darkness, but it wasn't wrong. There was comfort in the simplicity of the stars, the glow of the crescent moon. There was something beautiful about the droning of the crickets keeping me tethered between dreams and the sheets.

There was a love in it, something that i lusted during the day. The still confines of a room, a buzzing light, a desk welded to a chair. I didn't appreciate the sick irony of florescent lights.

Cue the newest deliverance from something we dont understand. You branched into my life like the limbs of the sun, in a dark room, and surprisingly i wasn't upset by it. There was something inside the music you gave me that told me our lives were intertwined. I can't remember the first thing i said to you but i knew i didn't want it to be the last time.

When i wanted to rule the world i thought I'd be happiest if people would just leave me alone, and meeting you taught me that i wasn't ready for a life of loneliness. I think I'll save that for when I'm ninety.

I like to be a person of metaphor and extravagance. But there are occasions when I just don't have the capacity to be clever. You make me too honest. It's good, i rarely see this side of me.

You became the moon to me when we spoke together late nights some months ago. My stars became your words. My life has been stranger than fiction, because you ended up being my antagonist. Challenging me, reminding me who i am and why i exist on this earth.

You were a sonic boom in a cloud of feathers, a banshee in the middle of the bayou, a war horn from a still swamp. I couldn't ignore you. I never could. You always looked and sounded so good.

Even when i didn't earn you personally, I remember only wishing you by me. I remember because our names were the same, and it sounded so nice to hear or names spoken side by side, and so unnerving. Year after year i wished you were alone, I wished you needed me. I was a *******.

And yet there you were, like frozen sound waves during a winter sunlit morning, how your breath forms icicles on the roof. I saw you in a room full of rainbow music and yet you danced to a tune all your own. You knew exactly what i needed to see, what i was dying to hear. The way you laid down rules on me like i was going to be used, and i was happy.

The past is beautiful because we were such fun dumb little kids. This passion never needed to be so hidden. I love how you once told me never to say 'love' because now i can't go a single day without mashing into your head the sheer fact that i love you.

I'm afraid i may end up making some huge mistakes but i will do everything in my power as a human being to stay with you, to love you and be everything you need during the nights when you lack the shine of a crescent moon.

Goodnight, darling.
Ryan Bowdish
Written by
Ryan Bowdish  Seattle, WA
(Seattle, WA)   
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