i had to swallow the words
choking my throat
the first night i ever saw you cry.
luckily i had your tears
and a bottle of wine
to help wash down the knives.

i remember the way your soul died
and how your arms were child-sized.

it was the first time you told me you were
scared.

i should’ve ripped the air with
“**** yous” to God
and
“i believes” to the devil
but they’d already been ingested.

working with precision,
sterilized tools

carving scars in stomach lining,

words are hands of doctors
words are cutting through me
doctors through my Grandmother,
your Mother,

e x t r a c t i n g  the  c a n c e r

carving scars in stomach lining,

yet all the while She’s saying,
“help them” to God
and
“stay away” to the devil.