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Mar 2015
***
Why do you have so many piercings, someone asked
I bit my tongue, maybe you knew someone's going to ask about you, or me, or us

I got my first pair of piercings the day I was born
It was the beginning of life, a new start
It started a road trip to the ends of the world
My first piercings reminded me of a fresh page, with ink and pen waiting for my writing

The second piercing I got was from my first failure
It was devastating to see myself so deep in this hole I didn't see the light
A young mind crushed by a 5.0, what a day she must have had after hearing the news
I immediately wanted to ease the pain
That's when it all started - healing with hurt
I slept at night doubting every compliment anyone has ever given me
The pain reminded me of the reason, a good reason for it
One night it all started fading
It stopped hurting

The third one was when I first felt real and alive
We met at a very convenient time, it was love at second sight
I gave in, opened myself to the thought of you staying with me
Terrifying, comforting
I got my third to remind me of how happy you made me
How happy we were back then
How it all started and how I thought it would never end
It reminded me of what to live by, what to love and it boiled down to answering "you"
I got my third to remind me of when you used to see this as an "us", a "we", and not an "almost"

The fourth piercing was with you, I got this one with you
This was the time we faced our fears together, the pain forgotten and the joy of feeling this together felt like home
I asked you if you really wanted this, definitely meaning "us", you immediately answered with a resounding yes, and that's all I needed to hear
"I want this."
My fourth, your first
It was a privilege, I said to myself, to be your first
My fourth reminded me of how far I've come in life and why I've only come across you now
Your first reminded me of how significant I must be, how this made you feel like the constant reminder on your body was worth it

My fifth was from the time someone precious and close to your heart left you
It was loss that cannot be healed by my hands, my words and my love
My fifth reminded me of how vulnerable you are to this world's vicious evils, and how helpless I am
Your second was to remind you of love that was lost
It reminded me of one brave soul I wanted to be with so much
My fifth was a note on my body that shouted how you are so precious but very fragile
This one scarred me, scared me to my nerves
How can I keep you happy, genuinely happy
The fifth reminded me constantly to show you something you did not expect, to keep you on your toes, to keep your mind from drifting back to the bad stuff

The sixth marked the end
Ironic how this number used to make us giddy and eager to greet each other a happy anniversary
The sixth marked the constant uncomfortable silence, the fights you picked just to not talk to me
The sixth marked the words stabbing, leaving bleeding scars on the places you used to plant flowers in
The sixth marked the days ending with you thinking of someone better, someone not me
The sixth marked the words I never wished I'd hear from you
The sixth marked the "What if" question that broke me to pieces I didn't know existed
The sixth marked the dying firsts and the growing lasts, the story of a lifetime
The sixth one marked the sinking of our ship
I got my sixth for me to not forget

Why do you have so many piercings, someone asked
I bit my tongue, maybe you knew someone's going to ask about you, or me, or us
I laughed and just said, "It's to remind me of her."
11:56 PM, March 5, 2015
Shiennina Marae
Written by
Shiennina Marae
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