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May 2011
We’re a disaster, you and I
An explosion waiting to happen
The beginnings of a nuclear meltdown
A finger hovering over a trigger

Dangerous

That’s what you called me
Dangerous
Threw the word into the air to hover dizzily between us
So I laughed it off
Recognizing that it’s you who’s trouble for me
And grasping at your hand regardless

It shouldn’t have been this easy for you
Not after all that time I spent tripping after you
For I taught myself not to crave you
I’d known that you’re no good for me
Playing games back and forth
Cat and mouse
Chasing and pouncing and running away again
Leaving me to think I’d made it all up in my head
Breathless and crazy and so, so tired
Too tired to keep wanting this

But like an open flame and a tank of gasoline
Despite my best intentions
You came too close and set the world on fire

Maybe I hadn’t really learned my lesson
Or maybe it was the way you looked at me
Or maybe I’m just a pyromaniac
Because I danced determinedly into the flames
And there, in the blaze, we collided

Disaster

The explosion, the meltdown, the flying bullet
All the destruction I’d tried to guard against
Ripped the brain from my head and the heart from my chest
And left me to burn
Feverish and desperate and stumbling for more
Hanging onto slurred confessions and pinky promises
And the thought that
Once
This was all that I’d wanted

But I don’t want to stand here burning anymore
I don’t want to feel the skin melting from my bones
Until there’s nothing left to hide behind
I am sick of cat and mouse
And I’m on my last life
And I don’t need to get caught in a wildfire
Because I told myself that I don’t want you anymore
And I’m already in over my head
And I can tell that you are, too

It’s a mess
And we both know it

You had thought that our respective messes could spill into each other
But that would be mixing bleach and ammonia
Toxic
Dangerous
Because it’s like we’re each trying to save the other from drowning
While struggling to keep our own heads above the water
And if you fell beneath the surface I wouldn’t hold it against you
Because I can’t save you
I can’t get tangled in nets and arms and seaweed
And the thought that you might actually want me
Because my scorched bones can’t take anymore
So despite my best intentions
I’d only end up sinking with you

I’m sorry
But I can’t handle any more disaster
I need rescuing and dry land
No flames, no games
And no dizzy decisions made too late
You were right calling me dangerous
Because I will always be volatile
And you the spark to set me off

We burn sweetly, you and I
But I can’t spend my life on fire
Written 5/14/11
Kassiani
Written by
Kassiani  32/F
(32/F)   
816
 
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