This morning was one of firsts
and one of fists.
My lashes tied together
untwined the way they always do.

slowly

For the first time in six years
I had forgotten the date.
I pushed my feet through the maze of layers
as if I had someone to wake up next to
My optimistic attitude wished they were not there
because they were running a little late.

I threw on an outfit...if you can call it that
and went to the store
The violent red that attacked me at the front
brought me the realization that it was in fact
the same day
just a year ago
that I would have prepared for
weeks ahead instead
I made myself a meal and poured a glass of wine
as the white outside made
all of humanity disappear.
...and it was beautiful
I bought myself flowers, and lit candles
I snuggled and rubbed my feet together under a red blanket
and listened to songs about loving yourself.
I feel a little bad
I feel a little good
but most of all
I feel
I know
that before loving all of those lovers all those loves ago
I must be loving to the mornings
when there are just my feet in the bed.

This morning was one of firsts
and one of fists.
My lashes tied together
untwined the way they always do.
...and for that I am grateful.