It always starts
in the head
lay face down
on the bed
my cover pulled
over my head
dissecting myself
every mistake

Distrust runs riot
all ego led
patterning plans
my wings clipped;
they deem me
a flight risk

Self flagellation
my own whipping boy
mortifying flesh;

Lord, forgive me
for my sins

My body pays penance
mauled;
flesh laid bare
and, I trace with fingers
tram lines of forgiveness

Overly thinking,
all inside my mind
is unfocused
war zones of
clambering disasters

Guilt further fed;
satiated by stealing
my breaths
from cushions
that smoother

I can't breathe

There is a deep, resounding
stillness
a calm before the storm

inside & outside
landscapes swirl
as I,
fight to unpin
myself
from that to which
I'm so tightly woven.

© Sia Jane