”how are you feeling?”

that question hovered above me

how am i feeling

i drown out my thoughts with the sounds of my hospital room
the

beep

beep

beep

echoes through me as i try to blink
how am i feeling

“i don't really, uh, know i guess“

the words trailed off
being quietly drowned out by
the

beep

beep

beep

“says you tried to hang yourself“

i twitched at the sound of that
the nurse's voice, mechanical almost but a tinge of concern slipped through

beep

beep

beep

“yeah“

my mouth dry and chest hollow
i couldn't feel anything
yet the tears came
a violent wave spilling from my eyes
i could feel her staring
possibly empathizing
or spacing out

lifting my arm to wipe the tears
i felt the IV move in my vein
i felt nauseous
watching the tube faintly move as i gently flexed my arm

“do you need anything? water? crackers?“

beep

beep

beep

“no, thank you“

deja vu
i sit up
body aches
eyes shift down

beep

beep

beep

feeling my neck where the rope had constricted
an indentation
feeling the rope's texture, i began to feel immaculately empty
like a sterile needle
like an operating room
like the pauses between the

beep

beep

beep

“i would like some water please“