Today, I showered with the water on as hot as it gets and scrubbed my skin with half a bottle of soap until the water turned ice cold, until my skin stung and ached. Then I scrubbed my scalp with shampoo until my fingers came away ******. I filled my sink with cold water and dunked my face in, before emptying it and brushing my teeth until my gums bled. I used listerine and held it in my mouth as it burned the open skin, until it became fizz and I spat it out and went back to the tub and sat there and scrubbed my skin with my damp washcloth until it was raw. I sat in that tub and shoved a towel in my face and screamed, screamed until I fell into coughing fits, spitting up blood and phlegm in my bathtub. I got out and screamed again until my voice quit. My throat feels cut, my skin feels burnt, my scalp bleeding into my wet hair. I'm sitting on my soaking wet bathroom floor, head pressed to the wall, fingers red and peeling from destroying razors, eyes swollen from hours of tears. I don't know what to do. The past I fight so hard against holds me down, my reflex to cringe upon human contact, despite my efforts to ignore it, to take myself back. I do not want to move again. I want to die on my bathroom floor, cold tile on destroyed flesh, hair dripping red-tinged water. I want to die here in these puddles of lost innocence, of the greed of the world that was taken out on a girl who isn't even out of highschool. I want to die here in this room where I tried to rip away the sins of others, left on my flesh. I want to die here. I want to die.