the regret, that depreciating voice in your head
that chastises you, calls you stupid, a coward
and you look back and agree with it
ignoring that hindsight is always 20/20

and i know the one you're with now provides you with all that you ever needed
possibly more than i could ever have
but that doesnt make it feel any better
as incredibly selfish as it is to feel one should "belong" to another
and as much as such a bond could destroy a beautiful friendship such as ours
despite fantasizing "stealing" you away
as if you were an object
as much as the guilt of that very thought
weighs down my spirit everytime you cross my mind
the temptation to bear my soul to you gets greater each time
it hurts
deeply
and i cant help but wonder, what if

and now i hate myself for it