THE ALLAN FAMILY STORY


THIS WEEKEND I AM HAVING A BREAK FROM MY BROTHER, MUM AND DAD

AND WENT CAMPING IN THE MICHELAGO FARM HOUSE, TO GET MEDALS

IN THE DUKE OF EDINBURGH AWARD SCHEME, YA SEE, MUM WAS WORKING

SO DAD TOOK ME SHOPPING TO GET LAST MINUTE SUPPLIES AND THE NEXT DAY

WE HEADED OFF TO MARIST TO BOARD THE TRUCK, AND PAUL GRAHAM

WHO I THOUGHT WAS A REAL COOL DUDE, SANG ALL THESE GREAT SONGS

LIKE EYE OF THE TIGER, COURT OF KING CARACTULOUS, AND MANY MORE

AND WE ARRIVED, AND THERE WERE NO BEDS, JUST HARD FLOORS, THIS ISN’T ACCOMODATION

THIS IS UNCOMFORTABLE, WE COOLED BACON AND EGGS, BRAISED STEAK AND ONIONS

AND I ATE A SPACE FOOD STICK, AND JENNIFER JONES SAID, THAT IS MY SPACE FOOD

STICK, AND I SAID, NO THIS IS MINE, I IGNORED HER AND WENT TO TALK TO BRENDAN AND LANCE

CAUSE, THEY UNDERSTAND WOMENS PROBLEMS

YA SEE WE DID CANOEING AND HIKING WITH OUR BACKPACKS ON, AND ALSO, IN THE

MIDDLE OF A GREAT NICE COUNTRY DAY, THEN I CRACKED JOKES WITH SOME OF THE GIRLS THERE

AND STEVEN SANG EYE OF THE BULL FROG, AND I WONDERED, ALSO OTHER WEEKENDS, WE AS THE SENIOR MEMBERS

OF THE DUKE OF EDINBUIRGH, WE HAD TO LOOK AFTER THE JUNIOR MEMBERS OF THE AWARD SCHEME

AND THIS WAS A MORE COMFORTABLE SEATS, THIS WAS COMMUNITY SERVICE, WE ALSO DID MEALS ON WHEELS,

YA KNOW GIVING MEALS TO THE ELDERLY, WHO CAN NO LONGER FEND FOR THEMSELVES

THE MOST POPULAR PLACE WAS HALL VILLAGE,

AND I REMEMBER THE TEACHERS MAKING ME KISS RICHARD, BUT I WASN’T THINKING OF GAY ACTITIVTY

YA KNOW, JUST TEASING HIM, BUT I WAS SAYING, I AM AN ADULT, IN THIS SITUATION

YA SEE THE MANY BUSH WALKS AS A KID, GAVE ME A SENSE OF ADVENTURE

AND ALSO, GAVE ME THE CHANCE TO HELP PEOPLE IN ANY WAY THEY SEE FIT

IT GAVE ME THE FEELING OF DOING THINGS FOR MY FELLOW HUMANS

I HIKED UP THE SNOWY IN THONGS, I WENT TO WELLINGTON CAVES

YEAH, I AND MY TWO MATES, BRENDAN AND LANCE WERE LIVING DANGEROUSLY

BY NOT WEARING A LIFE JACKET, WE’LL PUT IT ON LATER WE WOULD SAY

BROTHER KEVIN BRENDAN, LANCE, WHY HASN’T BRIAN GOT A LIFE JACKET ON

YA KNOW THE FUCKEN RULES, AND WE ALL HAD A WOW OF A TIME

AND SANG SONGS ON THE WAY BACK, WHAT ABOUT ME, EYE OF THE TIGER

AND MANY MANY MORE, AND WHEN WE GOT BACK TO THE SCHOOL, ONE GUYS PARENTS

WEREN’T THERE, AND MY PARENTS OFFERED A ROOM FOR THE NIGHT

BUT HE DECLINED IT, IMPLYING, I DON’T WANT TO GO TO MY HOUSE

I IMPLIED, WHY NOT, YOU NEED SHELTER, I GOT SHELTER

HE SAID, WELL, NO, I WILL JUST WAIT, TILL THEY ARRIVE

SO I WENT HOME WITH MY PARENTS, DAD SAID THE RAIDERS WON, IT MADE ME HAPPY

AND I WENT HOME AND TOLD MY BROTHER AND DAD AND MUM ALL ABOUT

MY WONDERFUL DUKE OF EDINBURGH AWARD SCHEME EXPERIENCE, THIS IS COOL, MAN EAT MY SHORTS

AND THE ALLAN’S CRACKED JOKES, I SAID AND HE, MUM THOUGHT HE MEANT ANDY

BUT THERE WAS NO PHONE CALL, SO THE ALLAN’S ALL RETIRED TO THEIR ROOM

MUM AND I WENT TO BED, CAUSE IT WAS A BIG WEEKEND, BUT THE NEXT

DAY, I WAS PARADING AROUND THE SCHOOL,