I. 'T is the Season This is the time of year for pining and spleen,— The season of boogers and snot,—the season of green; And yet, because so well together blend A piney green and rosy red, my friend, Gift me your heart, and I will gift you mine: Please, let me be your Christmas Valentine.
II. A Limited-time Offer Act now! Don't delay! For a limited time Get in on a deal that's so good it's a crime! Just dial our number, and put in your order For cloying affection wrapped badly in rhyme! It won't cost a penny; it won't cost a quarter; It won't cost a nickel,—a dollar,—a dime; There never was ever a wealthier deal: It's something for nothing—a bonafide steal!
And if you call now, as an "early bird" bonus We'll kidnap (so nicely) the prettiest Jonas, And make him forever a caged bird that sings For the ears of his mistress alone of all things.
So give us a call, and this all will be yours: The Jonas in *******,—the scary affection. Don't let this "early bird" be a songbird that snores: Pick up your phone, and let's make a connection! Call in right now! You can dial us live At 555-555-5555!