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Oct 2017 · 440
the quiet
Pluto Oct 2017
my mind has been an empty chasm of forgotten words
i was a writer who can no longer write
a storyteller with no stories to tell
an artist with dried up paint and a broken easel
but

i forget that
i am also a person
a broken, timid person
once whole, once sure, once loved,
once
          me.
Jun 2016 · 727
---
Pluto Jun 2016
---
sometimes,
I can feel the blood running
through my veins and
it scares me
to be alive.
but weren't we supposed to fear death instead?
Jun 2016 · 538
"trust me"
Pluto Jun 2016
so i let my guard down
and i did.

"let me make you happy"
but there was pain
and it became all i knew.

"i love you"
but you hit me
and i didn't understand why.

"i won't hurt you"
liar.
liar liar liar.

"you wanted it"
did i really?
i believed you.

"you could have said no"
but i did,
you just never listened.
Jun 2016 · 631
27.06.2016
Pluto Jun 2016
i can no longer distinguish pain from pleasure;
abuse from affection; contusions from caresses.
embraces could be delivered in tightly-clenched fists;
words of affirmation in abasement; trust in forced hands.
i can't tell the difference between love and hurt;
dark bruises and soft kisses; belittlement and support.

all i am familiar with now is the aftermath -
the tears, the marks, the aches;
hot showers soothing stinging skin, shaky knees and trembling hands;
the nauseating guilt; encapsulating, overwhelming fear

and the sickening inability to just walk away.
for every physical, emotional, and ****** abuse survivor out there.

you are so, so strong.
Mar 2016 · 373
?
Pluto Mar 2016
?
i'm not sure how-
how to break this cycle
the constant pounding in my head
the incessant whispers
the persistent hurt
the frustrating reiteration
each one more needless

fall after fall after f
                                   a
                                       l
                                          l
it's just annoying.
Apr 2015 · 1.5k
missing // (haiku)
Pluto Apr 2015
it is midnight and
i am plagued by thoughts of you.
why won't you come home?
Apr 2015 · 1.3k
from 18/04 -
Pluto Apr 2015
you are every midnight shot I should not have threw down my throat,
every syllable I should not have stammered out beneath
shy gazes and lowered eyelashes and chewed bottom lips.
you are every (in)coherent verse I could not keep
my shaky grip from messily scrawling across any blank page;
you are in every frustrated sigh,
every agitated run of fingers through messy hair,
every tear at 2am.
Pluto Mar 2015
you were a whirlwind;
& I got dizzy trying to keep up.
but the dust (you stirred) has finally settled;
& you are nowhere to be seen.
bits of you thicken the air, leaving tears
to continue stinging in my eyes
I was unwilling and I am alone.

I guess you were never meant to stay.
Dec 2014 · 3.4k
destructive // (haiku)
Pluto Dec 2014
you chase hurricanes,
when you can have the calm sea.
[ stay away from me ]
Dec 2014 · 601
crossing the distance.
Pluto Dec 2014
tell me again why the wind kissed the sea
remind me again why it wasn't the sky-
the sky's so pretty and perfect and calm,
but the choppy sea? please tell me why.

tell me again how the stars found the river;
there was no map written or drawn.
yet they drowned in her depths
leaving no stars left, and all I remember was the empty dawn.

tell me again which chapters she read
of the book he barely wrote-
what i don't get is how all these things
were said, when he never even spoke.
Nov 2014 · 391
---
Pluto Nov 2014
---
they s h o u t

and it feels like a million splinters
hit me in the chest, where it isn't
supposed to hurt.

they s t a r e

into thin air and the silence
is deafening and all I can
do is add to it.

they t a l k

but never to each other.
they're just like strangers;
two ghosts moving around
in one house.

they b r e a k

but I'm the only one broken, and
everyone smiles and tells me it's
just another fight.

they l i e*

and say that they're fine, and tell
me it's okay, and tell me it's stupid
that I don't believe that they love
each other

anymore.
it hurts more than they think.
Oct 2014 · 529
hooked,
Pluto Oct 2014
I long to hear the constant
laughter in your voice, even
in bad times; because you
somehow knew all the right
times to smile, which
eventually caused the sun
to dull in comparison.
you could pluck the stars one-by-one from the sky, and they'd look like litter among your fingers.
Oct 2014 · 1.3k
you
Pluto Oct 2014
you
I fell in love
with the way
your eyes light
up when you
speak, the way
your shirt falls
across your
chest.
I grew
accustomed
to your
fingers
brushing
occasionally
against mine,
the way your
feet moved as
we walked
side-by-side
---

*I fell in love with
destructive
Oct 2014 · 795
we're alive
Pluto Oct 2014
there is a struggle in all our hearts
there is a fight in all of us
there are strangers in our closet
and skeletons instead walk among us.
we are the beaten and the broken,
the weakened and worn (out).
but we still have two fists
and two shaky legs
and a barely beating heart.
and that's enough for a lifetime.
Sep 2014 · 547
you're so far away-
Pluto Sep 2014
love is a marathon
and I just can't
                           keep
                                     up.
Sep 2014 · 1.3k
suffocation // (haiku)
Pluto Sep 2014
are you still breathless?
the wind is caught in my throat,
and your words choke me.
this hurt.
Sep 2014 · 598
forgotten
Pluto Sep 2014
we dove deep into
a world we once knew
where shadows and doubt
weren't out and about
where monsters didn't growl
and demons never prowled
and love was just
for me and you.
Sep 2014 · 397
after-
Pluto Sep 2014
I can no longer write.*

My thoughts are a jumble and a mess.
My feelings are a thunderstorm.
And I,
I am a bottomless pit-
so full, so empty,
all at once.
I am unable to breathe
(like I used to).

The horizons are darker, and my heart is no more.
May 2014 · 884
~
Pluto May 2014
~
words unsung
and stories
unread,
but this silly little child
fears to leave her
bed.
it's been a while.
Feb 2014 · 851
fairytale
Pluto Feb 2014
i would want to live a fairytale
where you were the prince
and i the damsel in distress
awaiting the feel of your lips against mine

but this is reality
and i am no damsel
and you are no prince
and the touch of your lips
(and lovely fingertips)
has already brought me to
a happily ever after
with you.
happy happy happy.
Feb 2014 · 681
-
Pluto Feb 2014
-
we've got the ground below us when all we do is look up and wish we were one with the stars

*but don't we realize we already are?
Feb 2014 · 464
i'd do anything
Pluto Feb 2014
oh what i would do
to feel the spark of your touch,
your soft skin against mine.
the warmth of your fingertips lightly brushing against my cheek
as you tuck a lock of hair behind my ear.
i would relish the butterflies in my stomach
as i look into your eyes with your burning gaze unbroken,
held by trust and comfort.
i would cherish every moment spent in the cradle of your arms
while you hold me against your chest
claiming me as yours and only yours,
forever.
Feb 2014 · 453
fragile hearts
Pluto Feb 2014
can you safely say
that you have lived and laughed enough
can you confidently smile
without having to tuck in the deep convictions of your mind?
will you whisper to me the stories of your past
will you enchant me with the tears in your eyes?

your fragile heart will not be broken
the secrets of your mind unspoken
let me cradle your vulnerability to my wounded chest
so that we may mend each other in the process
Jan 2014 · 682
inhale
Pluto Jan 2014
who knew toxic fumes were so comforting?
we're humans who,
confide in pain and whisper secrets to the forgotten
why is it that
the flirtatious wisps of hurt
circle our minds and get in between our hair
and soothes every nerve in the body
when it isn't supposed to?

you're breathing again oh sweet lady

and that in itself is fear
who are we,
to take comfort in death?
Jan 2014 · 748
thankful
Pluto Jan 2014
you've held my hand and whispered against my cheeks
and though the dying wind may have bitten his last icy bite against the corner of my eyes
i no longer fear
anything

as long as i am
                           with you
Jan 2014 · 343
were you,
Pluto Jan 2014
the letter on my doorstep I never wished to open,
the word unwritten and the picture unspoken,
the breeze despised and the heat adored,
or the deepest jungles left unexplored,
were you,
the twisted note birds left unsung
or the race that no one really won?
were you
the broken seal of a very old book
or a blown out candle
(because a breath was all it took)

*you were so many things I just couldn't see
there were so many you's
but only one of me.
it's been a while since I wrote a rhyming one.
Jan 2014 · 390
we are,
Pluto Jan 2014
a sickly society
and perhaps one day we wouldn't be so proud.
Jan 2014 · 640
clutching
Pluto Jan 2014
i'm breathing
with my breath caught in my throat
because your fingers are wrapped around my neck
but so are your lips
my heart is ready to break
and so are my bones
but we are trapped in a peripheral moment
and if i may i'd like to utter one last word with our dying breaths:

*"if"
Jan 2014 · 534
but,
Pluto Jan 2014
you're so ******* beautiful
(but you're so unbelievably oblivious)

it's because:
you'll never see the way your eyes glitter when you laugh
or the way your hair seems to sparkle in the sun
or the blood pumping in your heart
and the breath flowing in and out of your lungs

you're beautiful all over and around

**but you cut yourself up to let some beauty out
Jan 2014 · 423
-
Pluto Jan 2014
-
you're not perfection
(and never could be)
but darling
(though you see everyone that way indefinitely)
no one ever is
*(or ever could be)
Dec 2013 · 327
untitled 2
Pluto Dec 2013
we're lovely lovely people
living in a world of hate
and perhaps we don't realize
that all our dreams are fake.
just a blur of words in my head.
Dec 2013 · 411
nonsense,
Pluto Dec 2013
if we live and breathe words,
will we c?hoke on th?e questi?on marks
in-be?twee?n



?
Dec 2013 · 779
questionable
Pluto Dec 2013
you were never supposed to hurt this much
they said love would be good for me
for the both of us.

you were supposed to be the breeze in my face as I strolled along the simple shores
not the tiny coarse grains of sand I didn't notice stinging my eyes
or the persistent wave constantly knocking me over
as I tried to savour the sea.
you were going to be the cool wind on a hot summer's day
not the heavy storm that drowned my garden
and the dark cloud obstructing the sun's light so my flowers were never allowed to bloom again.

you were pain
and your grip was endless
why did I think you could heal when you were the cause?
Nov 2013 · 2.1k
dusk
Pluto Nov 2013
when the night hears you speak,
it can only scream back-
for they are monsters of your past,
and your bravery torments them.
Nov 2013 · 363
hell
Pluto Nov 2013
they tell me not to believe in hell
or fear it, even
because "all good souls go to heaven"
but I never told them how wicked my soul is
and that hell was already in my head.
Nov 2013 · 321
untitled
Pluto Nov 2013
my lips whisper the thoughts of you in my head
but I close my ears to shut my own voice out
*(all I want to do is forget about you)
Nov 2013 · 966
Katy-
Pluto Nov 2013
hair bleached, blonde, orange, ginger
(it's funny cos i'm not quite sure)
she brightens the rooms' darkest corners with just a mere twitch of her lips and her bright blue eyes and her giggle
it's perplexing how she doesn't see
(then again none of us do)
that she's as beautiful as the girl down the street
in fact even more
with every inch of skin and scar
it makes her prettier than anyone else
but the best part that no one else had
was the heart she held within herself.

tucked away and hidden,
like her arms always were under those huge school jumpers
she kept her soul and eyes away
from the nosy ones and lovely ones alike
despite them caring or not.
she always thought she'd never matter
to anyone else or even herself
but she failed to see the hearts and arms opening up to her
because she refused letting anyone in
(why katy why?)

so no more scars my lovely girl
put the blade away
don't even store it for those bleak rainy days.
because you're better than that all of this
because eventhough something in life may be amiss
there's always a gorgeous yellow sun to shine down on you
to light up your freckly face and your fluffy golden hair
and the scars are enough
so even though times are rough
your skin just needs a break
and so does your heart
though it may break apart
it will eventually come to its senses and piece back together.
you're oh so strong and one day a guy will come along
and you'd probably punch him in the face
but I hope that day would come soon
so I could see you giggle and swoon
over some white boy
(you better have good taste)

this pretty little flower
is such a blessing to me
and i'll never forget the trip we're going to plan
and i hope when we meet for tea perhaps
we'd still gush and laugh and rant
about things that mean too much about nothing
and we'd still be somewhat best friends

stressed and depressed but well-dressed is what they say
but i've only always seen her in ripped black tights and a short black skirt
*is it weird that we've never met but i feel like i've known her for years?
For dearest Katy Charlton, whom I've only known (online) for about two months now but has become such a close friend somehow. Sorry for this horrid piece of work (definitely not my best so I'll try to improve on future ones- I just could not see where it was going halfway then kind of ranted and tried to make it sound as poetic as possible) Anyway.
Despite being incredibly lonely irl, thank you for making me feel so cared for. You matter so much to me you don't even know. <3 we'll recover together okay. Love you, crumpet (bc british). **
Nov 2013 · 1.0k
scarlet
Pluto Nov 2013
you are beautiful,
but in the way that scares me-
like the end of a cigarette.
beautiful ashes that disperse in the wind
but warm to the touch
and causes scars when pressed against skin.
it's eerie to think
that the smoke surrounding you
and getting between your clothes and tangled mess of hair and face
is slowly rotting you on the inside,
eventually killing you.

(do you see what you're doing to me, scarlet?)

you are stunning,
like the moon on a stormy night.
you stand out amongst the dark clouds and lightning strikes
but do nothing to stop the thunderous booms
and heavy rain pelting down upon me.
you simply watch; serene and illuminated,
you watch
me
suffer.

but you are dark
not the mysterious darkness of a newly discovered cave
or dingy attic begging to be explored,
but a darkness that has become familiar to me
the gloominess of a soul
the dimming of a heart-
you've put out every light of hope and belief
I've ever known
and you've ignited the fire that holds no luminescence,
only the ability to burn and smoke
the fire of pain; your fire.

and it is (you are) corroding me.
Nov 2013 · 546
existing
Pluto Nov 2013
I breathe
but I can not respirate.
My heart beats
but I can no longer feel it.
I see
but I can not experience.

I am alive,
*but how can I live when I am already dead?
Oct 2013 · 352
help
Pluto Oct 2013
I am

f  
     a
            l
                 l
                     i
                        n
                            g

and there is no one to catch me.
Oct 2013 · 715
dark, dark nights.
Pluto Oct 2013
I spoke to Scarlet this afternoon.
I hadn't seen her in such a long time.
funny thing is,
this is the first time I've ever spoken to her.
I've always liked to pretend she wasn't real,
was never there, and only a figment of my imagination.
but now I've finally found out
what she thinks of me.
what I've always thought of myself.
that, she whispers
was always the truth.

t   r   u   t   h.
what is that anymore?*

"whatever you can imagine is real."

well now I know.

I'm not sure
how much longer I can hold on
pretending everything was okay
or is okay
or will be okay
when in reality,
nothing is.
why do I keep trying to survive,
and continue telling myself I can
when I really, definitely, truly
cannot?
well now
I'll begin admitting.
they say that acceptance is the first step to recovery.
but who cares what they say anymore?
what if the only recovery left
for me
is death?
(the only escape)
well
if this doesn't serve as a suicide note,
I'm not sure anything else could be.
but if I survive the night, let's just pretend this was always supposed to be a poem and nothing else.
Oct 2013 · 385
cracked.
Pluto Oct 2013
is my heart
a shattered ground
a surface for you to tread upon?
Oct 2013 · 385
um,
Pluto Oct 2013
um,
hey.
I sort of,
really
cannot breathe.
not just
when you are(n't)
around,
but right now
and many other times
I've caught myself
at the edge of a final
exhalation,
too.
and when I think I can
finally
breathe,
it's like
I just don't want to,

anymore.
I hit enter and went to a new line with every breath I took.
really though,
I cannot breathe
normally.
Oct 2013 · 3.3k
damaged.
Pluto Oct 2013
I am damaged
so, so damaged.
but will you still love me?
Oct 2013 · 657
let's wander with wonder.
Pluto Oct 2013
I constantly wonder about you
and if your thoughts wander,
do they wonder about me.

I like to stare deep into your
wandering eyes
and wonder what lies deep inside

you.

I constantly wonder about you.
do you wonder about me?
because one day I'd like you,
to wander with me too.
something I found in the 'old pages'.

I wonder, if I'd like to wander, a little more.
Oct 2013 · 536
.
Pluto Oct 2013
.
what if the monsters in my head are the ones that want me dead instead?
Oct 2013 · 424
thirty-three days
Pluto Oct 2013
I’m going
To allow the wind
To whisk me away.
I’m going to give
The sky
A chance to kiss me
On my sunburnt cheeks
And wandering mind.
And whilst
The journey continues
Through the clouds
I’m going
To allow my dreams
To carry me
Someplace
Far
Away.
Oct 2013 · 402
reality check.
Pluto Oct 2013
and here I am again
in tears
bloodied and broken
by this mess I made of myself.
it's funny how
although I thought I could be stronger,
I'm left curled up in a corner
weak and powerless.
it's funny how things turn out to be,
eventually.

**I am not strong. Never will be. I have to quit lying to myself, and ******* face reality.
Oct 2013 · 666
hidden in plain sight.
Pluto Oct 2013
it's becoming more and more apparent to me that the marks you left behind will forever remain
but I can choose to forget they are there in the first place.
I will pull down my sleeves and turn up my collar even if there is no wind
but only to shield the ever sharp eyes of mine reflecting back in the mirror;


*I will hide myself from                                                   me.
Oct 2013 · 525
seasons.
Pluto Oct 2013
you were the summer's heat
and you kept me up all night
wetting my sheets with sweat and blood and tears.
you were the winter's icy wind
and you blew down my door
and got between my breath
and underneath my clothes;
making me shiver and struggle to breathe or keep warm.
you were the fall's leaves,
making my trees rain and the sky weep
and everything grew brown and withered and died.

but then you were the spring-
(where the flowers bloomed and the birds sang and things grew again and the sun shined again and the wind blew again)
and you made it all worth it, again.
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