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I glanced into his eyes from across the table.

I used to drown in their ocean,
Diving deep below the surface,
Allowing the current of his gaze to drag
My heart along with the tides.
I used to see a haze of desire
As he etched my face into memory.
I used to hold my breath as he blinked,
Instead of gasping for air
In the flicker of a moment between drowning
And lusting in love.

But now,
I see a tired gaze.
Worn from reading the lines of our history,
Sore from the dust that once settled on the pages
But now dances in the air between us.
Now there is exhaustion,
For you have learned so much yet nothing at all.
Now, I breathe easy as I've learned to swim against the tides of you,
And I am not sorry.
Dito tayo sa istorya
Na ako ang may akda
Kung saan tayong dalawa
Oo, tayong dalawa
Tayong dalawa ang bida

Dito tayo kung saan tahimik
Na ngiti mo lang ang dinig
Dito tayo sa aking panaginip
Kung saan ikaw ay akin
Kung saan ikaw ay akin
Gumising ka....

Inspired by autotelic's gising
Trying hard sa tagalog poetry
 Nov 2017 Eternal Threshold
Roar
Strange place, strange ways, each stay away!
Then why are there two roads to take?

The maps and paths, and followed tracks.
And Google, Waze, we trust their facts.
Turn left, turn right we let it steer.
To miss a turn, we start to fear.

Across to tolls, collect control.
Like little soldiers, do as told.
Planned flights and crowds, comfort in traps.
Are we confined in our skin wraps?

Some lost, pretend to just be found.
Some found, act lost, pretty profound.
To take that step, the unprotected.
To turn towards, the unexpected.
A wasteful plan, we must forget it.
Insane repeat, and do we test it?

Misdirection, to find us love.
Misdirection, to find us trends.
Misdirection, finds ideas.
Misdirection, to find us friends.
Misdirection to free in stress.
Misdirection leaves no regrets.

Let one misdirection find you.
Let one misdirection guide you.
Let one misdirection define
And be the reason, you are you.
I dread each eve so filled with grief
A heart benumbed in disbelief
I rant, I rave, I cry, I pray
Why does my angel so betray?

In bed I stare awake all night
Frigid fear, orphaned plight
I pinch and zoom and try to clutch
To reconnect - one last touch!

I'm haunted by that blessed call
When you hit the dreaded "wall"
I pray you're on the other side
Free of pain, strength in stride

Another morn, another fright
Sleep escapes, emotional blight
O Mom, I hope you hear my plea
From my demons set me free!
6 months after my moms passing what continues to haunt me is the decision I had to make to stop the meds when mom slipped beyond the point of no return. No child - of any age - should have to make that decision. The docs force family to decide WHEN. And I had to sign off. I am haunted by signing off on my moms final departure!!! I ask her forgiveness- she was too weak for us to discuss it prior to this happening- she declined very very quickly. It's terrible and I talk to her every day but all I get is silence. I hope she understands n I hope I did right by her.
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